Why men in India hold hands? | Truth of men holding hands in india

These photos were taken by Vincent Dolman, a British Photographer.

And many people have spoken about what is seen in these photos.

Devdutt Pattanaik, an Indian Mythologist and author, wrote about this as well.

On his way to Mumbai airport lounge, he noticed two things

First, He found a couple, exhausted from travel, taking a nap in one of the sofas.

But they cuddled while they slept.

And those that passed nearby, kept looking at them again and again.

On the other hand, he noticed two housekeeping staff,

who were holding hands in affection while taking a break.

But this time no one even was bothered about them.

This case is very surprising because it is exactly the opposite of what we can usually find in the west.

Display of affection between a male and female in public

doesn't cause people to stare at them.

But no matter how advanced the western countries are in matters of gay relations,

but men holding hands often invites second glances.

When Vincent Dolman, asked two friends, why do they hold hands?

Vincent said that they looked at him like he was asking a stupid question.

They are friends, and why couldn't they hold hands?

This practice is extremely strange and this is what we will talk about in this blog.

Why do Indian men hold hands with each other in public?

"It's not unusual for male friends to hold hands."

"In India, grown a** men... GROWN A** MEN hold hands with other men!"

But first, let us talk about why this topic has a blog being made on it.

Why is this such a big deal?

This is because in the western society, any type of physical contact between men

is still considered to be very uncomfortable.

And one of the major reasons behind this is homophobia

- the dislike or prejudice against gay men.

"A 23 year old Ahmedabad resident has alleged that he was raped and brutally beaten up by two policemen.

The says when he admitted to the policemen that he was indeed a member of the LGBT community,

they beat him up and forced him to have sex with them."

It has become a unsaid norm that adult men can't have any kind of physical interaction

Mark Greene, who is an author who writes extensively about men and masculinity,

says that this lack of non-sexual physical touch among men in western society

and this has lead to something known as 'touch isolation'.

This isolation can leave men physically and emotionally disconnected,

that has lead to increased stress, isolation and loneliness.

Now you may ask, can 'touch' really have such a profound impact like loneliness on human beings?

Dacher Keltner, who is professor of psychology at University of California,

has researched on something which is known as 'science of touch'.

He believes that 'touch' is the primary means of spreading compassion.

To prove this, he conducted a very interesting experiment.

He put a barrier in his lab that separated two strangers.

One of them was asked to stick his hand through the barrier and communicate different emotions

like anger, fear, gratitude, love just by their touch.

Surprisingly,it was found the other stranger could correctly guess emotions nearly 60% of the time.

This shows that physical touch is so important to communicate emotions

According to Mark Greene, in western society, any kind of non sexual physical touch among men

is considered very weird.

But the same thing is quite abundant in Indian society.

So, the question is- Why is that?

It's not as if in India, the society is very advanced regarding homosexuality or masculinity

If we talk about homosexuality, although Supreme Court decriminalized homosexuality in 2018,

it is needless to say that the society in India has not completely accepted this practice

And If you have watched these videos, many people are not ready yet to accept homosexuality.

"If your child is gay, what would you do?"

"I would slap him first."

"I would finish both of them off!"

"What do you mean by 'finish them off'?"

"What's there in it? It means I'd finish them off!"

A study in 2014 showed that only 30% of Indians were supportive of homosexuality

Whereas if we talk about masculinity, the views on it are still very old-school

A 2010 survey conducted by International Men and Gender Equality survey reported

that 86% of Indian men believes that to be a man, one needs to be tough.

It is widely believed that you are not masculine enough if you are emotional, sensitive, or compassionate.

As a result, showing their emotions or to talking about their personal problems is not right for men

In India, we see a presence of a rigid masculinity.

This rigid masculinity imposes some unsaid rules on what boys could and couldn't do.

Like for instance, Renuka Motihar revealed in her 2017 news report that

a young man from Uttar pradesh shared how his liking of cooking was rejected by his family.

Similarly, some married men from rural Maharashtra shared

that when they revealed that they help their wives in household work,

they faced dissaproval from their families.

Hence, it should not be surprising that a government survey in 2019 showed that

that less than 10% of Indian men are involved in household chores

Hence, it is surprising that the practice of men by holding hands in public is seen in India

What are the things that explain this practice? There are two:

According to Devdutt Patnaik and Mausumi Bhattacharyya,

Indian Bromance is an important factor that can explain this factor.

Bromance, which is a combination of two words- Brother and Romance,

is generally defined as a close non-sexual relationship between two or more males.

In India we also know this as Yaarana or Dostana.

But where did this culture of Indian bromance evolve from?

According to Devdutt Patnaik, some may say that the idea of bromance was always present in Indian society.

The concept of bromance is well-explained in Indian mythology.

In Indian mythology, men who love each other intensely as friends are called Sakha-bhaavs.

This relationship has love- but nothing is sexual.

One of the classic examples of such a relationship comes from Mahabharata-

He says that the deep friendship between Arjuna and Krishna is an example of Sakha-Bhaavs

Apart from Indian mythology, another place where this bromance was seen is Bollywood

While Bollywood might not have promoted homosexuality well,

Indian bromance has been promoted quite a lot by them.

Mausami Bhattacharya even wrote her PhD on this issue

A lot of movies have explored this issue.

and this issue has been portrayed by many songs as well!

Although Indian films have refrained from showing onscreen kiss between two men like the western movies,

they have shown men hugging and dancing with each other.

And it is no secret that, Bollywood deeply impacts the Indian society.

As a result it cannot be denied that this bromance culture promoted by Bollywood

has also influenced Indian society to a great extent.

The second factor which has led to this practice in Indian society is patriarchy

"Tradition. Prestige. Disciple. "

We have discussed previously in video how the presence of rigid masculinity and patriarchy in India society

has left men follow rules prescribed by the society.

"The tradition of the family..."

"Our family's tradition..."

"Tradition, Dad!"

"Tradition, Son. Tradition!"

"...understands the traditions of this house."

Similarly, certain rules have been prescribed for girls as well.

And one such rule is- good girls don't talk to boys.

This norm has segregated boys and girls across Indian society.

As a result, In rural India, where patriarchy is generally the norm,

boys there grow up without much female interaction.

Except immediate family members such as mother or sister they do not experience male-female friendship

As a result, every activity they involve outside their home, they do them in all boys group.

Which means that even if they have to express their emotions, they do it with their male friends

Holding each other's hands is a way of expressing this emotion

This practice is a way of expressing the sensitivity amongst boys

In a society where boys interact only with boys,

this has become a very important practice

No matter what the reason might be, this practice must be preserved

It does not matter that we do not see such practices in the western society

So maybe when Vincent saw the men who were holding hands,

it's not as if that practice was strange. Maybe it is strange to think that this practice is strange

For Indian men holding hands is a very normal thing

and this can be an example of a practice that the western society can learn from Indian society

because not only does it spread love, but it also promotes a bond between friends

Hopefully you liked this blog. A lot of effort went into it.

See you next time!